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[shangba]

Pledge you do not sleep in the vanquished cave.

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[shangba]

The first morning, when I woke, Wei Ying sleeping.

Thought him a dream. Pinched.

[emperorssmile]

Is that how you feel about the drawing, too?

[shangba]

He is very beautiful.

[emperorssmile]

I was really good-looking, wasn’t I?

Lan Zhan, it’s okay that I drew that for you, isn’t it? I mean… it’s not making things hard for you?

[shangba]

It makes me fall in love again.

[emperorssmile]

With me? Or him?

[shangba]

Are they not the same?

[emperorssmile]

Are they?

Just making sure.

[shangba]

Wei Ying.

We spoke of this mere days prior.

[emperorssmile]

I know, I know. It’s just that it’s making you lose sleep.

[shangba]

You ask truth of me, but punish me with jealousy.

[emperorssmile]

Yeah, I know. I’m not being a good husband for you. I’m just worried over stuff my own mind makes up.

Sorry, Lan Zhan.

[shangba]

This is not sufficient.

[emperorssmile]

I want to give you everything, every part of me. I’m doing what I can.

I’m not trying to punish you.

[shangba]

Perhaps it is best we no longer speak of him.

[emperorssmile]

Don’t hide from me. I’d rather just pretend I didn’t say anything.

[shangba]

I cannot pretend.

[emperorssmile]

You can love both parts of me separately or together. I don’t know why it feels different.

[shangba]

Because only Wei Ying may compete with Wei Ying.

[emperorssmile]

It’s because I’m not the same person as I was back then.

[shangba]

Neither am I.

I am less youthful, less innocent. No longer unscathed. Less attractive. Less available to provide for family.

[emperorssmile]

Yeah, you’re right. I don’t know why I get like this.

I’ll try to do better.

[shangba]

Do you think less of me, for my changes?

[emperorssmile]

Not at all! I love you just the way you are.

And you love me despite all my changes.

[shangba]

Some, I prefer.

You are kinder to me now. More patient.

I enjoy carrying you. Your new body permits.