(no subject)

[shangba]

Pledge you do not sleep in the vanquished cave.

Comments

[emperorssmile]

Yeah. Sometimes it feels like the only promise I can really keep is to be true to myself.

[shangba]

When will this change?

[emperorssmile]

When I learn some discipline, I guess.

I guess I make it hard to trust me.

[shangba]

At times, tiring.

[emperorssmile]

I really do try to be better.

[shangba]

I know.

[emperorssmile]

I could really use your arms around me right now.

Being in this body isn’t so bad. I like the way it feels to have you wrapped around me.

[shangba]

If I took to another soul, I would understand your reticence.

[emperorssmile]

You waited for me for 13 years, despite thinking I’d never come back. I trust you not to leave me.

It’s just… sometimes I feel like I’m less than what I used to be. My body’s a downgrade in most regards, but it’s a lot better than having no body or a body you’d have trouble loving.

[shangba]

Then improve this body. Make it your fortress, sooner than your prison.

[emperorssmile]

Haven’t I already been doing that? I practice my forms nearly every day. I put a lot of effort into exercising this golden core, but the only time I feel strong is after dual cultivation.

[shangba]

Why is it insufficient?

[emperorssmile]

It’s not.

When I think of my face, this is the first one I think about.

I should burn some incense.

[shangba]

Do so. Set your mind at ease.

[emperorssmile]

Yeah, I will. I’ll invite Wen Ning. I forgot I was going to go find him.

[shangba]

Is your mind troubled?

[emperorssmile]

Less now. I think I just need to make peace with a few things.

[shangba]

May I assist in any way?

[emperorssmile]

You already have.

I’ll mourn myself. I’ll never be him again, but I’m still me.

[shangba]

Perhaps, sooner than mourn — celebrate yourself.

[emperorssmile]

Right. Yeah, I can do both.

Will you celebrate me, too?

[shangba]

How do you wish me to?

[emperorssmile]

Hmm, I was going to have some wine and talk about myself.

What’s your favorite memory of me?

[shangba]

Wei Ying's exclamation in Guanyin temple.

[emperorssmile]

I was so happy to be held by you that time! I didn’t know about your feelings about me until Zewu-Jun told me what happened in my last few days.