(no subject)

[shangba]

Pledge you do not sleep in the vanquished cave.

Comments

[shangba]

Perhaps best to discard them.

[emperorssmile]

I’ll forget my own face I don’t work on them soon.

[shangba]

You are suffering.

[emperorssmile]

You gave me your reassurances.

If it makes my heart ache, I’ll stop.

[shangba]

I worry you will not.

[emperorssmile]

Trust goes two ways. I promise I’ll stop if it hurts.

I’m not going to work on it until tomorrow night, though.

[shangba]

You speak as if I worry for naught.

[emperorssmile]

I know I have a bad habit of pushing myself through pain. I’m promising not to do that.

[shangba]

All right.

[emperorssmile]

I want to share that part of me too, but not if it means breaking a promise I made to you.

I know I lie a lot, but I’m trying not to lie when it’s between us.

[shangba]

We ever speak of attempts.

[emperorssmile]

Yeah. Sometimes it feels like the only promise I can really keep is to be true to myself.

[shangba]

When will this change?

[emperorssmile]

When I learn some discipline, I guess.

I guess I make it hard to trust me.

[shangba]

At times, tiring.

[emperorssmile]

I really do try to be better.

[shangba]

I know.

[emperorssmile]

I could really use your arms around me right now.

Being in this body isn’t so bad. I like the way it feels to have you wrapped around me.

[shangba]

If I took to another soul, I would understand your reticence.

[emperorssmile]

You waited for me for 13 years, despite thinking I’d never come back. I trust you not to leave me.

It’s just… sometimes I feel like I’m less than what I used to be. My body’s a downgrade in most regards, but it’s a lot better than having no body or a body you’d have trouble loving.

[shangba]

Then improve this body. Make it your fortress, sooner than your prison.

[emperorssmile]

Haven’t I already been doing that? I practice my forms nearly every day. I put a lot of effort into exercising this golden core, but the only time I feel strong is after dual cultivation.

[shangba]

Why is it insufficient?

[emperorssmile]

It’s not.

When I think of my face, this is the first one I think about.

I should burn some incense.

[shangba]

Do so. Set your mind at ease.