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[shangba]

Pledge you do not sleep in the vanquished cave.

Comments

[shangba]

This is not sufficient.

[emperorssmile]

I want to give you everything, every part of me. I’m doing what I can.

I’m not trying to punish you.

[shangba]

Perhaps it is best we no longer speak of him.

[emperorssmile]

Don’t hide from me. I’d rather just pretend I didn’t say anything.

[shangba]

I cannot pretend.

[emperorssmile]

You can love both parts of me separately or together. I don’t know why it feels different.

[shangba]

Because only Wei Ying may compete with Wei Ying.

[emperorssmile]

It’s because I’m not the same person as I was back then.

[shangba]

Neither am I.

I am less youthful, less innocent. No longer unscathed. Less attractive. Less available to provide for family.

[emperorssmile]

Yeah, you’re right. I don’t know why I get like this.

I’ll try to do better.

[shangba]

Do you think less of me, for my changes?

[emperorssmile]

Not at all! I love you just the way you are.

And you love me despite all my changes.

[shangba]

Some, I prefer.

You are kinder to me now. More patient.

I enjoy carrying you. Your new body permits.

[emperorssmile]

Thanks, Lan Zhan. I get under my own skin sometimes and forget all the good things.

I like you now, too. You always loved me but I didn’t realize it back then.

[shangba]

Some change, inevitable.

[emperorssmile]

Some changes are more extreme than others and I have to remind myself that that’s okay.

Will you forgive me for being jealous of myself again?

[shangba]

I only wish to stop it.

[emperorssmile]

That’s on me. I’m the one that keeps going back on my word.

Just be patient with me and I’ll keep trying.

[shangba]

Am I not?

[emperorssmile]

You’re the most patient man I know. But you still accused me of punishing you.

[shangba]

But I remain here.

[emperorssmile]

I’m still here, too.

[shangba]

I love you. I do.

[emperorssmile]

I know you do. I love you too, Lan Zhan.

I’ll still work on those other pictures for you.

[shangba]

Perhaps best to discard them.