return from lanling

[shangba]

A full moon, unblinking.

You did not sleep, to see?

Comments

[emperorssmile]

In bed or in general?

You always leave me satisfied. I like to try new things and you give me the space to do so. I’m not going to bully you into doing anything you don’t want to do, but I’ll tell you when there’s something I want to try.

I’m happy with you out of bed, too. I’m happier than I can remember ever being before. You make me feel like I’m cherished and I hope I can do the same for you.

[shangba]

Yet I am a product of rules Wei Ying detests.

Narrow-minded. Unadventurous. Limited.

[emperorssmile]

Not to mention stubborn! I’ve always known all that and I want to be with you, anyway.

You may have been shaped by the Lan doctrines, but you’re not just a list of rules. You think for yourself. You have your own values and moral compass. You’re more adventurous than you give yourself credit for.

You’re mine and I’m yours. You don’t stifle me.

[shangba]

I feel out of place.

[emperorssmile]

Out of place with me? With Cloud Recesses? Or something else?

[shangba]

Discordant, alongside Wei Ying.

Enough, for now, to settle. But Wei Ying's wings spread.

[emperorssmile]

We don’t have to become the same person. It’s okay if you’re more reserved than me and it’s okay if I get restless sometimes. You’re worth being with despite our differences.

[shangba]

And when you bore?

[emperorssmile]

Then I’ll whine about it until we think of something to entertain me.

[shangba]

Wei Ying.

[emperorssmile]

What? I’m serious! If I get bored, we’ll have to figure out something to entertain me. Boredom is temporary. What we have together isn’t.

[shangba]

...I am not troubled. If I may have this for a month or a year, will keep it with both hands.

[emperorssmile]

Hold me as close as you can, Lan Zhan. I like your arms around me.

[shangba]

Shall do.

[emperorssmile]

I can’t wait.

All this talking is making me want to hold you and kiss you until all we can think about is each other.

[shangba]

...you are doing it again. Refocusing on physicality to reassure yourself.

[emperorssmile]

I don’t even realize I’m doing it, but you’re right. It reassures me.

[shangba]

It forces me to distrust our love-making.

[emperorssmile]

Distrust our love-making or distrust me?

[shangba]

You cannot use our intimacy to distract me or yourself.

When such danger rears,you must tell me. We do not couple then.

Let these be our rules.

[emperorssmile]

Like when we’re upset at each other about something? Or upset in general, too, huh?

That sounds fair. As long as it’s a rule for both of us.

Can I still take comfort in you holding me while we talk it out?

[shangba]

Yes.

I do not withhold love-making to punish. Only to ensure it does not become coin of trade.

A danger already that you are forced to bed me for cultivation.

[emperorssmile]

So that’s why you were bringing up me being dependent earlier.

Dual cultivation is strongest when the two cultivating are sleeping together, but we start sharing qi before we kiss. We’d probably have to do it daily and I’d have to meditate longer, but it could work if you’re really worried about that.

I can’t see myself not wanting to sleep with you, though.

[shangba]

We may yet cultivate through coupling. Only, stay vigilant of our minds and manners.

[emperorssmile]

I’m so glad to hear you say that. I wasn’t looking forward to holding your hand and meditating for half of every day.

Holding your hand all day would be fine. It’s the meditation that I didn’t want to do.

If it’s time to cultivate and one of us isn’t in the mood, then we can figure something else out.