return from lanling

[shangba]

A full moon, unblinking.

You did not sleep, to see?

Comments

[shangba]

Perhaps we may speak our intentions. Ask permission.

'May I take you to bed to relieve your nightmares?'

Then, the deed is known.

[emperorssmile]

That sounds good. If my mind doesn’t settle down with just you holding me, I’ll ask for more.

When we’re not together, I usually just stay up for a while. Sometimes with drink, sometimes without.

[shangba]

Liang assists?

[emperorssmile]

I don’t like waking him up because I’m usually more tired than he is. But I watch him sometimes. I take comfort in seeing his little belly expand and contract with his breathing.

[shangba]

How often do nightmares come, when alone?

[emperorssmile]

More often than when we’re together. More than half the nights.

[shangba]

I should have known.

[emperorssmile]

It’s not that bad. Sometimes they’re pretty mild.

No, no, we’re trying to be better for each other. They’re usually bad, but I don’t want you to worry about it.

[shangba]

Any improvement since your name restored?

[emperorssmile]

Not much. It’s mostly just memories.

[shangba]

Would you wish them sealed? Stolen?

[emperorssmile]

I don’t know.

If I could, then I’d sleep better when we’re apart. I’d probably be happier, or at least freer, without the weight of them. But would I still be me if I didn’t remember those things?

[shangba]

You would be a different man.

[emperorssmile]

Lan Zhan loves the man I am. I won’t consider trying to seal the memories.

[shangba]

Wei Ying.

I too sleep poorly in your absence.

[emperorssmile]

How often for you?

I know you’d still love me, so I’m not saying I’ll keep my memories just for you. I love what we have together now.

[shangba]

At times, if I do not see Wei Ying upon waking, I do not know him alive.

[emperorssmile]

Lan Zhan… you spent so long mourning me that your heart still feels it.

Sending me a note like this won’t help because I’d most likely be sleeping when you write.

I wish to be by your side every time you open your eyes.

[shangba]

Then, at least we know we are both bound.

[emperorssmile]

Back in my first life, I never wanted to be bound by anything. But I wouldn’t want it any other way, now.

[shangba]

Old. Rusting.

[emperorssmile]

Maybe we’ll have fewer worries and our nightmares will fade over time.

[shangba]

I hope. Pray. Will accept, as comes.

I shall see Wei Ying shortly.