wuding | return from lanling

return from lanling

A full moon, unblinking.

You did not sleep, to see?

I don’t like waking him up because I’m usually more tired than he is. But I watch him sometimes. I take comfort in seeing his little belly expand and contract with his breathing.

How often do nightmares come, when alone?

More often than when we’re together. More than half the nights.

I should have known.

It’s not that bad. Sometimes they’re pretty mild.

No, no, we’re trying to be better for each other. They’re usually bad, but I don’t want you to worry about it.

Any improvement since your name restored?

Not much. It’s mostly just memories.

Would you wish them sealed? Stolen?

I don’t know.

If I could, then I’d sleep better when we’re apart. I’d probably be happier, or at least freer, without the weight of them. But would I still be me if I didn’t remember those things?

You would be a different man.

Lan Zhan loves the man I am. I won’t consider trying to seal the memories.

Wei Ying.

I too sleep poorly in your absence.

How often for you?

I know you’d still love me, so I’m not saying I’ll keep my memories just for you. I love what we have together now.

At times, if I do not see Wei Ying upon waking, I do not know him alive.

Lan Zhan… you spent so long mourning me that your heart still feels it.

Sending me a note like this won’t help because I’d most likely be sleeping when you write.

I wish to be by your side every time you open your eyes.