return from lanling

[shangba]

A full moon, unblinking.

You did not sleep, to see?

Comments

[emperorssmile]

I don’t even realize I’m doing it, but you’re right. It reassures me.

[shangba]

It forces me to distrust our love-making.

[emperorssmile]

Distrust our love-making or distrust me?

[shangba]

You cannot use our intimacy to distract me or yourself.

When such danger rears,you must tell me. We do not couple then.

Let these be our rules.

[emperorssmile]

Like when we’re upset at each other about something? Or upset in general, too, huh?

That sounds fair. As long as it’s a rule for both of us.

Can I still take comfort in you holding me while we talk it out?

[shangba]

Yes.

I do not withhold love-making to punish. Only to ensure it does not become coin of trade.

A danger already that you are forced to bed me for cultivation.

[emperorssmile]

So that’s why you were bringing up me being dependent earlier.

Dual cultivation is strongest when the two cultivating are sleeping together, but we start sharing qi before we kiss. We’d probably have to do it daily and I’d have to meditate longer, but it could work if you’re really worried about that.

I can’t see myself not wanting to sleep with you, though.

[shangba]

We may yet cultivate through coupling. Only, stay vigilant of our minds and manners.

[emperorssmile]

I’m so glad to hear you say that. I wasn’t looking forward to holding your hand and meditating for half of every day.

Holding your hand all day would be fine. It’s the meditation that I didn’t want to do.

If it’s time to cultivate and one of us isn’t in the mood, then we can figure something else out.

[shangba]

Agreed.

And if doubts, quarrel or sadness assail us, we cannot make love.

[emperorssmile]

Okay, I agree too.

No more running away from discomfort by sleeping together. I guess being uncomfortable is something we can share, too.

[shangba]

Our marriage will be stronger.

[emperorssmile]

Yeah, you’re right. I’m going to miss you comforting me with sex after a nightmare, but it’s for the best.

[shangba]

May still hold Wei Ying.

[emperorssmile]

All night long? I’ll sleep in your arms until you have to get up in the morning.

[shangba]

What other pleasures does life afford?

Could hold Wei Ying for eternity.

[emperorssmile]

I’m happiest in Lan Zhan’s arms.

Can I still kiss you while you’re holding me?

[shangba]

Yes. To still yourself.

[emperorssmile]

You’re so good to me, Lan Zhan. I was worried at first that we’d have less intimacy cutting out the sex sometimes, but kissing and holding is still intimate and comforting.

[shangba]

Is it... that often that you feel the urge to manipulate?

[emperorssmile]

To manipulate? Is that what I’m doing?

I thought I was giving you a chance to answer for yourself.

I won’t try to seduce you or anything.

[shangba]

We only need pause bedding when Wei Ying or I resort to it to ease our minds or pacify our lover. When we manipulate, however well intended.

Yet Wei Ying worries about our intimacy. Is it... that we manipulate often?

[emperorssmile]

Maybe, maybe not. We’ll see how much we rely on sex as a distraction over the next few weeks.

I was just thinking about the nightmare thing. I always welcome the distraction after waking up from one. I rarely feel as… vulnerable as I do when I wake up from one.

[shangba]

Is it bedding that soothes, then, or the act of being embraced?

[emperorssmile]

I’ll tell you next time I have one when we’re sharing a bed. I think holding me will be alright as long as we’re talking about something.