return from lanling

[shangba]

A full moon, unblinking.

You did not sleep, to see?

Comments

[shangba]

We may yet cultivate through coupling. Only, stay vigilant of our minds and manners.

[emperorssmile]

I’m so glad to hear you say that. I wasn’t looking forward to holding your hand and meditating for half of every day.

Holding your hand all day would be fine. It’s the meditation that I didn’t want to do.

If it’s time to cultivate and one of us isn’t in the mood, then we can figure something else out.

[shangba]

Agreed.

And if doubts, quarrel or sadness assail us, we cannot make love.

[emperorssmile]

Okay, I agree too.

No more running away from discomfort by sleeping together. I guess being uncomfortable is something we can share, too.

[shangba]

Our marriage will be stronger.

[emperorssmile]

Yeah, you’re right. I’m going to miss you comforting me with sex after a nightmare, but it’s for the best.

[shangba]

May still hold Wei Ying.

[emperorssmile]

All night long? I’ll sleep in your arms until you have to get up in the morning.

[shangba]

What other pleasures does life afford?

Could hold Wei Ying for eternity.

[emperorssmile]

I’m happiest in Lan Zhan’s arms.

Can I still kiss you while you’re holding me?

[shangba]

Yes. To still yourself.

[emperorssmile]

You’re so good to me, Lan Zhan. I was worried at first that we’d have less intimacy cutting out the sex sometimes, but kissing and holding is still intimate and comforting.

[shangba]

Is it... that often that you feel the urge to manipulate?

[emperorssmile]

To manipulate? Is that what I’m doing?

I thought I was giving you a chance to answer for yourself.

I won’t try to seduce you or anything.

[shangba]

We only need pause bedding when Wei Ying or I resort to it to ease our minds or pacify our lover. When we manipulate, however well intended.

Yet Wei Ying worries about our intimacy. Is it... that we manipulate often?

[emperorssmile]

Maybe, maybe not. We’ll see how much we rely on sex as a distraction over the next few weeks.

I was just thinking about the nightmare thing. I always welcome the distraction after waking up from one. I rarely feel as… vulnerable as I do when I wake up from one.

[shangba]

Is it bedding that soothes, then, or the act of being embraced?

[emperorssmile]

I’ll tell you next time I have one when we’re sharing a bed. I think holding me will be alright as long as we’re talking about something.

[shangba]

Perhaps we may speak our intentions. Ask permission.

'May I take you to bed to relieve your nightmares?'

Then, the deed is known.

[emperorssmile]

That sounds good. If my mind doesn’t settle down with just you holding me, I’ll ask for more.

When we’re not together, I usually just stay up for a while. Sometimes with drink, sometimes without.

[shangba]

Liang assists?

[emperorssmile]

I don’t like waking him up because I’m usually more tired than he is. But I watch him sometimes. I take comfort in seeing his little belly expand and contract with his breathing.

[shangba]

How often do nightmares come, when alone?

[emperorssmile]

More often than when we’re together. More than half the nights.

[shangba]

I should have known.