wuding | Date in Lotus Pier

Date in Lotus Pier

[It’s finally time to relax. They’d spent the early part of the day taking care of notifying a few of the families about their sons’ fates. All four of them had already assumed the worst because the rumors about Jiang Cheng and ‘demonic’ cultivators, but it’s still important work for their closure and for the spirits of their sons and husbands to rest. He feels better having done it, but it sure took a lot out of him while he was doing it!

But he’s hungry and ready to change the trajectory of their day before going to pick up Lan Liang later in the afternoon. They’d spoken the night before about introducing Lan Zhan to more of his childhood haunts and now is as good a time as any.

He wraps his arms around one of Lan Zhan’s and hangs onto him like a young maiden infatuated by her betrothed. Last time they’d been in Lotus Pier, their welcome was tentative at best and they were all worn out from fighting off a an army of undead at the Burial Mounds.]

Should we eat first,

[On second thought, Lan Zhan’s skin is glistening. Maybe being so close isn’t as inviting as he had assumed.]

Or maybe you’d like to go swimming first?

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[The lingering lethargy of so much exercise out in the Yunmeng sun keeps him unusually still. His eyes drift closed and lets himself focus on Lan Zhan’s fingers through his hair. It feels nice and he says as much.]

I’d be good at it. Besides, I already help you grade papers. But I guess Uncle Lan doesn’t know about that. And it’s not like I’d be teaching them ghost cultivation, so it wouldn’t go against any rules.

[It wouldn’t break any rules outside of the recent thousand that had been added after his time as the Yiling Patriarch. He breaks a dozen just by existing, so he doesn’t count those.]

It all depends on if he’s willing to give me a chance.

[He really must be embracing becoming a Lan, because he hasn’t even tried teaching anyone besides Sizhui and his peers during night hunts. His restraint should be admirable.]

I’ll meet with him and ask. He seems like he doesn’t hate me like he used to.

Why... teaching?

( It seems to him that Wei Ying's true nature calls more dearly to action, to night hunts and parading his skill without the lull of passing down theory to children often unlikely to ever achieve a fraction of his own skill. Never mind the difference in qi levels — so many of the present-day cultivators, untested by war, cannot hope to match Wei Ying's ingenuity and urgency with talismans.

Yet still he wants this. And Lan Wangji, who sets himself to the task of rolling his thumbs on his husband's temples, of drawing back his hair and infusing the root with oil — Lan Wangji still can't deny him anything.

But as the night draws on, he finds he must ask the questions that leave them both aching for respite. Uncle Lan, says Wei Ying far too hopefully, no longer hates him. In truth, not even Lan Wangji can speak his uncle's mind on the best of days, except... )

If he hates my husband, he must hate me.

[He smiles to himself, just enjoying the simple pleasure of intimacy. It doesn’t have to be sexual for him to like touch. They can be respectable adults when they need to be and can resort to becoming needy teenagers when they have the urge for it.

Ah, so Lan Zhan is wondering about his desire. He laughs to himself and shakes his head.]

There’s lots of reasons. I want to give something back to the clan in a way that won’t turn A-Liang and A-Yuan into orphans. If that means having a quiet life in Cloud Recesses, then that’s what I’ll do.

[He sighs and splashes his face with water.]

To be honest, a quiet life doesn’t sound all that bad. Just as long as I have the room to make it entertaining.

You are not... consigned to Cloud Recesses.

( Only, of course Wei Ying is: their children reside there, and Lan Wangji's considerable sway cannot be wholly exerted past he natural borders of Gusu Lan territory. Even were Wei Ying fully mantled with the insignia of Cloud Recesses' authority, he would always be meagerly contested, facing the distrust or derision of those who've yet to graduate to giving the Yiling Patriarch a chance.

As Wei Ying rinses himself, Lan Wangji obediently cups his hands, bringing up water he sheds over his husband's nape and forehead, looking the avoid the need to request him to dunk. )

You may always choose to walk the world. To hunt, as pleases. ( It would be a pained parting each time, but Wei Ying could — should — still be permitted his freedom. )

[He’s peacefully resigned to letting Lan Zhan do all of his washing. He’s become so spoiled in his husband’s care. Being treated so reverently had been strange at first, but he’s grown to anticipate it. It’s a sharp contrast to a certain percentage of their nightly activities.]

I know I’m not, but they’re my family now. I want to do it.

[It’s selfish, really, to want to be trusted by his whole family. Including Lan Qiren. He’s accepted that he likely will never gain that trust in some cases, but he may as well face it following the Jiang motto now that Jiang Cheng has warmed up to him some.

He leans his head back against Lan Zhan’s chest and shoulder, leaning his head to the side to invite his husband’s chin to rest on his shoulder.]

I don’t want to travel if I’m alone.

[Hence their argument earlier, only now he’s plainly stated it. His heart aches briefly at the reminder. He doesn’t want to travel alone, but he will do it if it’s the only way he can see his nephew.]

( This, then. At least they've now dissolved into all but the same entity, Lan Wangji's chin gently perched as his husband's configuration of limbs permits it, eyes closing. He is at ease with Wei Ying close, with the proof of his life in Lan Wangji's twinning arms.

Around them, the water envelops them warm and sweet and inviting, their very bones given comfort. He breathes in. Out. And finally: )

Once, Wei Ying counted numerous friends. ( And mouth soft: ) Perhaps again.

( If he exits the shadow of his own insecurities that his presence is unwanted. If he dares to put himself out again. )

It cannot always be family.

[He tilts his head towards Lan Zhan’s until it feels the most comfortable. Lan Zhan’s arms around him feel good. He feels grounded like this in a way that he sometimes doesn’t. Untethered. He has fewer episodes like that now than when he’d first awoken in a body that hadn’t been his own.]

You’re my best friend and my family.

[But maybe Lan Zhan is feeling like he could use a break sometimes. Chaos and disruption might be too much when he comes home from political negotiations. No, no, Lan Zhan lets him know when he’s annoyed. It’s not fair for him to assume the worst.]

Making friends used to feel natural… I don’t know where to start with most people these days. Do I tell them who I am and stop it from the start or do I keep it secret until they like me and ruin it when I confess?

I guess there’s the old ladies in Caiyi who wash clothes in the river. They always greet me warmly when they see me, but they’re not exactly friends either.

And among cultivators?

( It is vastly unlikely that they will all avoid Wei Ying, surely. His reputation tattered, but his name renown. Some will swarm him if only to learn more of his cultivation. But then, is Lan Wangji perhaps not diminishing the weight of Wei Ying's sins? Has the Yiling Patriarch not onboarded guilt of greater gravity than he can now offload?

It is not his place to belittle his husband's woes. Only to give him the space and time to work around them. Gently, he kisses Wei Ying's temple, starting afresh to lather his hair. )

Perhaps Wei Ying should briefly visit other sects. ( Make himself once more a familiar face among them, show the evidence that he is safe. )

[He simply shakes his head in answer. He can’t count the children as being his friends because he’s taken on more of a mentor role with them. Other than family, there’s no adult cultivators that he’s ingratiated himself with. No wonder he’s so profoundly lonely when Lan Zhan isn’t at his side.]

That sounds a lot like traveling alone.

[But he can take a hint. Lan Zhan wants him to put himself out there. Not just with the people who know him on a personal level, but with the general population.]

I’ll consider it. But if I’m going to do it, it should be before the first snowfall.

[It gives him a deadline to get started and it will be a lot less uncomfortable to travel when it’s not freezing outside. He doesn’t feel confident that he’ll be successful and the vast majority of cultivators don’t interest him, anyway.]

You’re not trying to get rid of me for a while so you can surprise me with something when I come back, are you?

...it will savage me when we are apart. ( Soft, wrenched from him, still gutting. That Wei Ying suspects he wishes to be rid of his husband is — a cruelty, however plainly hidden in humor.

He does not presume to correct Wei Ying in anything but kindness, and yet, mouth pursed, he allows the moment's implicit scolding to linger long between them. Wei Ying should know better. Most likely, does. And with a sigh, somewhat parental, Lan Wangji signals his readiness to neglect that comment, bringing up handfuls of waters to pass spumes of oil and cleansing balms down off Wei Ying's hair. )

If Wei Ying cannot bear travel alone, you may have Sizhui or Lan Jingyi. ( Solid companions, discreet enough and loving. Wei Ying may trust them with his peace of mind, and Lan Wangji may sleep better for knowing is husband well attended. )

[He drops his hands down below the water line, resting one of them on Lan Zhan’s thigh, close to the knee and the other one on his own lap. He can hear the truth of Lan Zhan’s words, raw and hurting, and he thinks he might have gone too far with his jokes. Lan Zhan doesn’t like it when he apologizes, so he squeezes Lan Zhan’s thigh lightly in its place.]

Sizhui or Jingyi? Why not both? The kids can do the night hunt and I’ll be there to nudge them in the right direction if they miss something significant.

[It’s the first time he seems remotely interested in the idea of going at all. And it all goes back to the teaching thing in a way. It really is something he finds rewarding. Especially when it’s Sizhui, but when it’s any other kid as well.

He huffs a sigh and sits forward again to give Lan Zhan the space he needs to wash his hair.]

I’d rather wait until you can come with me. I don’t mean as a crutch to avoid doing the work. I just… I don’t really have high hopes that any of this’ll pay off. But I still need to show the other clans that I don’t mean them any harm anyway regardless of how the individuals feel about me.

[His laugh is bitter. He thinks it’s not worth the heartache to try. He has people who he loves and who love him back and those are the people who matter most to him. He has no ill will towards the rest of the cultivation world, but he expects nothing from them either.

But Lan Zhan thinks it’s worth it and he trusts his husband. Even if he makes one friend or comforts one sect’s discomforts then it will be a success.]

Yeah, I get that it’s important. It’s something I should do before talking to Uncle Lan about inviting the other clans to send disciples to learn under the Lan.

( Why not both? Because to borrow one is to steal both, and these children will never presume to refuse Wei Wuxian, husband of Hanguang-Jun, beloved mentor and trickster and father. And Lan Wangji too would never decline the ask, and so, between them — Sizhui, Jingyi, the disciple cohort whole would go, Lan Liang trotting in their wake.

Selfishly, he aches to think of that abandon. But at least he has the conceit of washing Wei Ying's hair, taking perfect and unadultered care to address each of his treasured tresses, rolled between fingers then patiently spread taut.

His hum is patient, calculated, loving. This man, after all, is his person, his better half. He must not be spooked, he must not be discouraged. )

I do not think of the clan's needs. Only your own.

[Lan Zhan is always so soft and loving when it comes to things like this. Wei Wuxian knows his husband only has his best interests at heart and that’s where there’s a disconnect. He knows he can handle pretty much anything at this point, and if it means selling himself as a well-meaning, helpful cultivator to the same sects that saw him killed, he’ll do it for Lan Zhan more so than for himself. He’ll do it for Gusu Lan because he knows his presence there makes some view the entire clan as taking part in his own sins.

And if he clears some of the tarnish on his name, it will be worth it. If he finds friends along the way, Lan Zhan will be that much happier for him.]

You’re what I need. You and Sizhui and Liang. It’ll be nice to talk to someone else, though. Most of the time, I just talk about you and how good you are to me.

[He’s being stubborn, isn’t he? He sighs at himself, thinking, not for the first time, that Lan Zhan deserves better. Not a better man, but a better version of him.]

I’ll come back home between visits. It’ll make it take longer to finish, but I don’t want to spend a whole season away from you. I guess I’ll start with the Unclean Realm. We can do some night hunting as we travel.

( He is what Wei Ying needs.

But he is not enough, and it's far from him to presume otherwise. A man is not an island, his needs are not singular and reclusive. Wei Ying, above all, has never suited isolation — the epicenter of every spell of laughter, of mischief, of vibrancy.

To think of him now, surrounded by doubt and fear, is to grip Lan Wangji's heart in a clumsy hand and tear. It's to rip him apart.

He clutches Wei Ying on instinct, as if he were a toy, a shield, a protection talisman, the ripples of the water silently cradling them. For a moment, he says nothing, to no one. He barely breathes. )

I only want to happy. So very happy. I want you to be the happiest man in the world.

[As the arms around him tighten, he wonders if Lan Zhan is realizing how much they’ll miss each other when they’re apart or if it’s something else. Whatever it is, he takes comfort in it and lets it fortify his resolve to see this new task through.]

I am happy, Lan Zhan. Just earlier today when you asked my hand in marriage, that made me so happy I could cry.

[He knows what Lan Zhan means though. Acute happiness isn’t the same thing as the soul-warming happiness that lasts for long periods of time. Lan Zhan makes him feel like that, too.

He wishes that he could be as happy as Lan Zhan wants him to be. It makes him feel like a bad husband to worry Lan Zhan so much because he can’t help it. He gets moody and depressive sometimes and he doesn’t know how to change it.]

I want to make you happy. I want to be happy together. If this helps me reach that goal, I’ll take it seriously.

You did cry.

( Perhaps more dryly than on most occasions, quieter, less explicit. But still in a fit of misplaced passions that the precepts would have condemned as overly indulgent but Lan Wangji finds wholly, irrevocably attractive.

They're stalling too long, making nuisances of themselves for the disciples who likely wait to attend and deliver their unused water. He cannot help himself, arms still noosing Wei Ying in. )

Thank you. ( For applying himself. For trying. And yet, no thanks or apologies between them. Ah, but is it still a jinx when he is the one to speak the words?

Hastily, as if to exorcise the possibility of disaster: )

Come. Rinse and sleep.

[He did cry, didn’t he? He always cries when they get married. It shines a light on how real everything is. Lan Zhan, Lan Zhan’s love for him, his own love for Lan Zhan. It’s all important to him and it still feels overwhelmingly good when he thinks about it too deeply.]

I’m still amazed every day that you love me so much.

[He sits up a little straighter at Lan Zhan’s gentle nudging. Rinsing off is easy other than his hair. He has to bend forward and dip his head under the water to help the process, but when he lifts his head, a curtain of hair hangs in front of his face. He cuts through the center with his fingers and pushes his hair back behind his ears.]

Will you sleep next to me? Just until Sizhui lets us know they’re almost back. I always sleep better when I’m in your arms.

[The safety and warmth lets him fall asleep faster and it seems to ward off some of his nightmares, too. He may as well treasure the feeling of sleeping next to Lan Zhan while he can if he’s to embark on a journey without him.]

( There: Wei Ying restored, from creature of melancholy to one of youth and waters, his hair curtaining prettily down. It's on Lan Wangji to rinse it after, to wrap it around his hand and squeeze out the last few rivulets.

After, he begins the more perfunctory work of bathing his own body, never as enticing or attended a proposition as minding Wei Ying's handsome form. He completes the job within moments, preparing to exit, only to be stalled by his lover's simple request. )

I shall rest beside you. ( Not exactly the commitment Wei Ying request. But then, the people of Gusu Lan often struggle with shifting their sleeping hours so abruptly. )

But sooner, I would watch my husband sleep and memorize his beauty.

( He is not the least bit ashamed to admit his proclivities in this. )

[Laying with him is good enough, so he doesn’t pester Lan Zhan for more than that. If his husband wants to read or compose letters to his family, it’s okay as long as he stays close. Within touching distance, at the very least.]

Lan Zhan, you’ll make me blush saying things like that.

[His face is already flushed from the steam, otherwise Lan Zhan would get proof of his words. He nudges him softly with his elbow, but he’s smiling. True and full of affection. He may as well enjoy the time he has with Lan Zhan now and not spend too long thinking about the time they’ll be apart.]

If you want to see me snoring and drooling, I won’t stop you. I sometimes watch you sleep, too. I don’t know how you’re so elegant and composed even when you’re sleeping, but you are. Never a hair out of place.

[He uses the rim of the tub to help lift himself up to his feet. His knees are a little achy after having them folded for so long. It’s nothing new. This body had come with aches and pains that he tolerates without complaint.

He grabs the drying cloth and holds onto two corners so he can spread it out in invitation.]

( Snoring. Drooling. He wishes he could pretend that Wei Ying has no truth of it, but he has seen his husband at his least artful and graceful, and he is indeed lacking in the contours of mannered sense at that time. Still, he finds it charming to be able to say he is the only person who has witnessed the Yiling Patriarch in a state of such comfort.

Wei Ying descends first, and with a last rinse, he gives chase, heading into his husband's embrace to welcome the folds of the towel surrounding him. More often than not, it is his pleasure to greet Wei Ying so, but now and then, to behold his husband's thoughtfulness is a comfort.

Lingering, he wraps the towel around his body, patiently collecting a second piece to draw and encircle Wei Ying's fair waist, also. )

Perfection is only distance. We are all without grace, up close.

Does that mean you want me to watch you more closely when you sleep? I usually do it from across the room, but sometimes I do it while I’m lying down next to you, too. You’re beautiful when you’re asleep or awake.

[He runs his hands over Lan Zhan to sop up some of the bath water clinging to him before he wraps the towel around his body. He lets Lan Zhan do the same to him and he grins up at him.]

Now should I sleep nude or put on my underclothes? I wouldn’t want to wrinkle my robes.

[He steps over the wall of the tub and bends down to dry his legs. He knows he’d be teasing Lan Zhan to sleep nude, which is why he means it as mostly a joke. If he didn’t have plans for the evening, it wouldn’t be a joke at all.]

You really don’t mind me having my evening meal with Jiang Cheng?

Your underclothes.

( This, whilst flushing, and already strategically making his way to the coffers bearing their silks to recover layers for both of them. Bodies freshly sated and cleansed, and still they'd find a way to stir each other if they linger nude.

He has the decency, slipping in on his garments, to pretend the reasons are far more noble. ) You will not wish to hasten after you stir from sleep.

( Certainly that, and not their own indefatigable libidos, is why. )

Sure, sure.

[He knows exactly why Lan Zhan suggests putting some clothes on. He doesn’t feel amorous right now, but that could easily change with a kiss or wandering hands. Lan Zhan would be even more of a slave to his desires as he is. It’s the one way his respectable husband allows himself be selfish.

He finishes drying himself off around the same time Lan Zhan finds some suitable underclothes for him and the outfit they’d chosen for the evening. He takes the offered clothes and lets their fingers brush as he takes it.]

I won’t want to wake up at all, so you’ll have to remind me to get me out of bed.

[He loves his brother, but his love for Lan Zhan is greater. It’s a good thing one of them is sensible when it comes to this sort of thing

He slips into the undergarments and heads straight for the bed. His hair is still wet and needs to be combed, so he compromises by dragging his fingers through it and twisting it into a low, loose ponytail. It won’t prevent all tangles, but it will help.

He drags his fingers over Lan Zhan’s arm as he walks past him and towards the bed. He drops down to sit on it, stretching his legs out in front of him to get the last bit of ache out of his knees before he lays himself backwards with his arms spread out beside him. He’ll get into the bed properly when Lan Zhan is ready to join.]

( In the end, all roads lead to this: Wei Ying, finally tame enough to descend upon the bed. Lan Wangji joining him, climbing at his side and slowly, imperceptibly melting into his lover's silhouette. So often, he suspects he must come off frigid, entirely uninterested, perhaps even resentful of his husband's affection. Luckily, Wei Ying understands — and these moments, quiet and sincere, when they fit organically, are when Lan Wangji may speak the language of his love.

His arms round around Wei Ying's silhouette, dragging him close, the wide sleeves of Lan Wangji's inner-home robes spread out like spumes that swallow him. He breathes in, and Wei Ying's scent welcomes him. Breathes out, and he still inhabits a world where his bride is bound in his arms. )

Shall wake you. ( He pledges, and for all he plans no sleep, he shutters his eyes to invite meditation. This will do, he supposes, determined to preserve their strength. ) Sleep, beloved.

[Wrapped in Lan Zhan’s arms once more, he lets himself relax at once. He nudges his nose against Lan Zhan’s throat and gives him a chaste, pecking kiss against his skin there because it’s the easiest place to do it.]

You’ll hold me the whole time?

[Loving Lan Zhan like this is everything he needs. He curls one arm between them and wraps the other around Lan Zhan’s middle. After a short squeeze, he loosens his hold and rests his head on his husband’s shoulder. He slips one leg between Lan Zhan’s so they can be that much closer.]

I’m just going to rest my eyes and listen to your heart beating.

[Theres rarely a time when he actually just closes his eyes. Within a few moments of this blissful comfort, he’ll fall asleep peacefully. In Lan Zhan’s arms, maybe he’ll skip the nightmares, too.]

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